Becky with her mentor.

My year at His Mansion is hard to put into words. It’s had ups and downs and hard and beautiful moments. I stepped onto this little hill in New Hampshire on August 29^th, 2015, full of fear of what the next year was about to bring. Most of my life, up to that point, had been characterized by fear. And just in this last year, God has set me free from this fear. Most of this fear comes down to one thing: the fear of man and not a fear of God. I would get so anxious around people I did not know. I didn’t know how to just be with people and not feel the need to say anything or do anything. I remember Dawnn, who was a Servant Leader when I first got here say, “Becky, you need to just be a person.” And I said, “But what does that mean?” I later learned that it meant to just be a presence with people and not put any expectations on myself. But before I could learn how to be with people, I had to realize I believed a number of lies about myself.

In different ways and in different points of my life, it was communicated to me that I was annoying and a burden to others. I did not find my identity in the Lord. In one conversation that I had in Servant Leader class, I began to realize that I believed that lie. It was in that moment though, that I began to feel very loved in and by this community.  And that love was not attached to what I did or how I made people feel, but who I was in Christ. And the person I am in Christ, is a daughter of The Most High God.

One way I learned this identity is through a conversation I had with another Servant Leader, Jennine. I used to get very upset if I made a mistake or said something wrong. She said I needed to choose to receive the grace that people wanted to give me. I remember having a similar conversation where I was challenged by the other Servant Leaders to pray in those moments when I didn’t think I could do this job or speak into peoples’ lives, to pray about who I was in Christ, and to ask for strength to fight those thoughts. And through that push to pray, I’ve gotten to really grow in my relationship with my Heavenly Father and see how sweet being in His presence is.

I remember a couple of months ago we did “soaking” during Prayer & Share. We just became totally aware of God and His presence. It was a completely new experience for me, and I realized how wonderful it was to just be with Him. I experienced this further in different quiet times and conversations with Him. When I’m in that quiet place with God, I find peace. It is in those moments that I realize I have The Holy Spirit living and dwelling inside of me.

To quote a song, “I am no longer a slave to fear; I am a Child of God.” Those lyrics pretty much sum up a lot of my time here. I can have confidence and peace because I know who I am in Christ. I am God’s daughter. The same God who parted the Red Sea and died and rose again for me. That’s my Heavenly Father who knows me deeply. I still am learning how to look to The Lord to calm that fear, and I praise Him for giving me peace. I cannot think of a more beautiful place than His Mansion for God to have shown me these things.